Four Rooms

Day one:
don’t be afraid,
they’re just pills,
but an hour later

emotions swarmed,
buzzing terror,
wrenching gut and nowhere to go
but in the shadows,
where bliss played hedonist at my expense.

Day two:
deja vu,

the sweet shone through
but the vessel collapsed,
exhausted from cavorting in the light.

Day three:

torrential tears, as a little girl stood witness
to the breakage that reconstituted itself
and told her ”don’t be afraid, sweetie, it’s just a side-effect,

we’re still going to watch the Avengers,
and write music for the band you’re going to found,
when you’re grown, but please know,
it would’ve been much worse if you weren’t here.”

On the fourth day,


the anti-depressants delivered, as promised,
clear as day in sound mind for the first time in ages,

unafraid, grinding panic into dust,
hungry for life and daring to feel happiness,

ready to face the world that made me feel ashamed,
ashamed of my anxiety,
but this time, I won’t be running away. I’m staying.

19 Responses to “Four Rooms”
  1. zareenn3 says:

    That post that you liked about my boss’s mistress is an old post. Were you stalking my blog? Lol

    • lexborgia says:

      Not at all; mail notification gives you three choices – I took the one that looked most interesting. I know your style (yes, I remember it well, and those gifs) so I assumed that would be most amusing. It was. Typical you.

      • zareenn3 says:

        I am glad you find it amusing. I am also glad you find me amusing.
        This comment of yours kind of makes it sound like you have known me for ages!

        • lexborgia says:

          I know you have a killer sense of humour, you work in a hotel in pakistan (I think), you post ranting stories about your work experiences, mostly, you’re a no holds barred loudmouth woman in a man’s country, and you thought my rap post about the pope was “hilarious”. That’s all from memory, and it’s been a while. Did I miss anything?

          • zareenn3 says:

            Well, that is spot on. Only.. I have moved to Qatar now and I work at a hotel there.
            No one has ever described me as a “no hold barred loudmouth woman”. But I quite like it.

            • lexborgia says:

              The description is only valid because of your ‘cultural surroundings”. Take that away and you’re just fun to be with – one of the crew. Qatar. Wow. Hope it’s working out well for you. Cheers.

              • zareenn3 says:

                For now, it is. Small and calm and not too many people. As a temporary place it’s fine I guess!

  2. Four days for them to kick in? You were lucky.

    • lexborgia says:

      Duncan, it’s okay to actually ‘like’ a post (press like) sometimes, it helps to move it into readers focus. I do look forward to our exchanges but would it kill you to ‘like’ something I wrote? Blimey.

      Not four days to kick in; four days to reach equlibrium. They kick from day one, but it’s a serious trip until your body and mind come to grips; some people can’t take the intensity of it and they stop after a few days. It’s intense.

  3. mirrorgirl says:

    I did not know that it could be so intense to read about side-effects and pills. I even had to look up some of the words you used, like cavorting, and that made me pay extra attention to the text. It was beautifully written, and I felt like I was on a journey, taking the trip with the little girl.

    • lexborgia says:

      I’m glad you felt that way. Transmit the experience in a way for others to experience is not easy, but necessary. Are you still in Bergen? Share more pics from there, tranquility travels in photography.

      • mirrorgirl says:

        You are absolutely right. Nothing is more important, if one is able to convey another way to see the world, a platform for understanding and less judgement is created. Yes, still here. Posting more photos is a great idea! I’m meeting a friend to take pictures tomorrow, and also know a photographer who has taken brilliant pictures here. I will make a blogpost when I have collected some good ones πŸ™‚ how are you doing ?

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