Get Undressed

Dear Infantile Blogger,

you’re ruining the experience for many of us. It takes time – wasted time – to read your ‘sex tagged’ post that isn’t about sex. Do you actually understand what sex is? Maybe I can help.

1. It pertains to your Willy driving hard into Sally’s endzone.

2. Single admission: The five-finger flush if you’re female. The hand-wrap if you’re male.

3. 1000 words about dinner with her parents isn’t sex, unless you fantasize about doing them both for good measure.

4. Give us details; at least tell us you have a hard on, or a moist wave cresting in the canyon. For fucks sake; fuck.

5. Talk about the the actual thing, even if it’s just medical. Tell us your’re horny, or you can’t get none cause your parents are watching you like a hawk. Tell us about the dirty magazines you hide from your husband, or why you hate porno. GROW UP. Stop wasting my fucking time. Stop exploiting blogging space that real bangers need. Post your silliness on Facebook and call it whatever you want, but on WordPress we expect your post to adhere to the tag in some minute sense.

I have several posts in the cue, about sex, which I won’t post because dickheads and frigidrators will ensure it’s buried under infantile rants. Your new, shiney red car is only about sex if you intend to get laid in it – intent is the key. Give us the lowdown or step aside. Please.  A cracker isn’t is dinner roll.

Look, I’m reasonable, and desperate, so I’ll use the only thing you thirty-something kids seem to understand; a T.V Show. Firefly ep6 – Our Mrs Reynolds.

Saffron (Mrs Reynolds) is trying to seduce Mal:

Saffron (naked, to Mal): “I do know my bible sir: on the night of their bethrothal, the wife shall open to the man as the furrow to the plough, and he shall work in her, in, and again, till she brings him to his fall, and rest him then upon the sweat of her breast.”

Do you idiots get the drift yet? Cease the bullshit. Get serious. Cheers.

 

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Comments
7 Responses to “Get Undressed”
  1. makagutu says:

    I agree with this post mate.

  2. Salacious B says:

    Love it…notoriety already! You should have #hashtagged me…we could create a Star Trek rap-type twitter-feud!

    I kid.

    Fair play my sexually-frustrated friend…just getting into the blogging world – but fair feedback.

    Please stay tuned for my ‘I kissed a Trill and I liked it’ piece…it stands to make A. N. Roquelaure proud (that’s Anne Rice for you waspish (insert appropriate age range) – somethings.

    *I actually do enjoy blog

    Bangers and Mash x

    • lexborgia says:

      ‘…sexually frustrated friend.’- lucky guess. Yeah, your post did leave me high and dry, causing me to leave my sabbatical to launch those missiles, but as the HtchkrsGde2TheGalaxy says, ‘don’t panic’. Better come good. Cheers.

  3. ravensane says:

    Does it count if you describe guppy egg fertilization in great detail?

  4. subjectivebeliefs says:

    For fucks sake; fuck.
    Awesome read.

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