The Xmas Atheist

Who am I to question belief, if it pacifies the mob!

Who am I to question the mob, without belief!


The atheist argues in friendly tone against Charlemagne’s sword and Constantine’s creed, espousing virtue over revolution, but talk is worthless without deed; concrete, tangible steps to dismantle the Christmas stocking. Be serious. Boycott Christmas


yes you can


  • accept gifts from anyone
  • buy presents for your children, parents and friends
  • buy Christmas trees or partake in its decoration
  • organize or attend Christmas parties (work or social)
  • show Christmas movies in your home over the holiday
  • send greeting cards or say Merry Christmas to anyone
  • allow Christmas to pass without marching in protest
  • Xmas Mass to appease your Irish in-laws
  • celebrate by sanitizing the religious bits 
  • sit down to ‘Christmas’ dinner

Until you’ve done these things, you’re sticking pins in the hot air you ballooned, coddling the enemy’s eggnog at Camp Xmas, whose sole purpose is your demise. 


You can throw

a fatal blow

if your ego

isn’t under

the Xmas tree

that grew

on Golgotha.

It’s easier for a camel to pass…than for an atheist

to give up his Xmas list. What a rush it gifts.

Who am I to scorn a toast, to baby Jesus, on the Christian 4th of July! 


Recommended & guaranteed to make you laugh: Whose Child Is This?

9 Responses to “The Xmas Atheist”
  1. Actually, I do all of those things save the protest march. My idea of protest is to ingest peppermint bark and eggnog all goddamned year long.

  2. Nope, all true.

    No one gives me gifts because they know I don’t observe the holiday,and they won’t get squat in return. Anything that gets shoved at me goes straight to someone else ASAP.

    I don’t purchase gifts for anyone or do any holiday decorations, least of all a tree massacre (twinkle lights only remind me of filthy college dorm rooms).

    I loathe noisy parties stuffed with tedious small talk between violently ignorant people.

    I watch no Christmas-themed broadcasts. Or Little House on the Prairie. That was just Michael Landon jacking off to Jesus.

    I stopped sending any guilt-induced holiday missives through the mail years ago and even inspired some relatives to do the same.

    I wouldn’t be caught dead in a church. All that smarmy false compassion makes my teeth itch.

    I reprogram my car stereo every year to skip over all the stations that play fucking Christmas music nonstop until December 26.

    I don’t eat any special foods this time of year. Like I said, eggnog and peppermint bark are for all days and my form of protest is to enjoy them in March and November and then rub it in.

    In fact, it’s all I can do not to beat the Salvation Army guy to death with his little bell. Ditto on Girl Scouts. Give me a bell, I’m beat them with it, too.

    From Thanksgiving to New Year’s, I quickly change the subject to the weather and then get the fuck away from the over commercialized sky god propaganda. I snuggle up to Dawkins, Hitchens, and Maher on You Tube until my heart starts beating normally again.

  3. dhonour says:

    But National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation is really funny ;-). And The Sound of Music! Don’t make me give up The Sound of Music. Please?

  4. mistermuse says:

    I don’t know that the young children of either atheists or religious fundamentalists deserve to be subjected to dogmatic beliefs at Christmas or any other time, but since they have no choice, one can only hope that some will emerge to think for themselves at some growth point.

    • lexborgia says:

      Subjected to dogmatic beliefs at Christmas.- an amusing oxymoron. I agree: lying to kids to grow family spirit and the economy is a good thing.They’ll get over it. Cheers

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