Part-time Lover

This conversation is several months old. Question: Did this relationship survive? 

************

Oliver

Why so glum, Jules? Has your love nest been demolished? Are you out in the cold again? Something is gnawing away at you.

 Julia

No, no. Love nest is still intact, I’m still nice and warm. But you’re right, there is something bothering me. Max is undecided about monogamy, said he might need to sleep with other women throughout the course of our relationship. Not sure if I can deal with it, and I’m hoping it won’t happen. To me, sex is reserved for people I’m dating or in relationships with.

 Oliver

At least he’s honest about it, but it would not surprise me to discover he has a well stocked harem for all seasons. If it’s not your kind of arrangement you should leave, or stay and satisfy your own needs until you don’t need to any more – a lover, not a boyfriend.

 Julia

He’s very honest about it, even agreed to give me a heads up when he’s about to, you know, keep me in the loop, out of respect, so I’ll have the option to stay or leave. He’s still loyal, for now, says he hasn’t felt the urge as yet. And, he doesn’t mind me being with someone else either. Funny thing is, he hasn’t offered a threesome, nothing along those lines, he just wants to be with someone else when he wants, on his own. I can’t do that; if I sleep with someone I’d probably wanna hang out and be with them and then BOOM, I’m in love. That aside, he’s perfect, so I’d feel silly ditching him at this point when he’s done nothing wrong. Have you been in open relationships?

 Oliver

No, but I have been in the ‘open situation‘ scenario. Here’s what it means: you’re hot (in some way), he wants you, loves shagging you, enjoys the hangout, but does not plan to be with you in the longterm; he’s putting the ball in your court so you carry the responsibility for your own feelings when you get hurt: “but I told you from the beginning, didn’t I!” Yes, I’ve done this several times – an extremely clever ploy.

When a guy really falls for a girl, infidelity is not an issue, because she is the only one he wants. Sorry to burst your love bubble but you’re definitely being played, by a guy who likes to crush a lot. Go slap yourself.

 Julia

You could be right. He made a similar arrangement with his ex, but never acted on it, at least that’s what he told me, and we met after they broke up – if he’s telling the truth. Who knows! I do feel like he truly loves me, but it still seems weird. I always thought if you fall for someone infidelity isn’t an issue as well. All I want is a guy who will love me and sleep with only me – that can’t be impossible to find. Maybe ours is also true love! Somehow!

Oliver

Ah, The Roquefort Cheese version; oh so yummy and full of holes. If a guy loves you, or to be more precise, is at the beginning of a relationship with you, he isn’t interested in talking about sex scenarios with someone else (that comes later), he’s only interested in you. If you want a guy who loves you, only you, then be brave – go shopping, try on the wares until you discover the garment that truly fits. Fact is, pussy, or lack of it, is more powerful than an atomic bomb, it brings most men to their knees. Embrace it. Wield its power.

If you’re not enough for him now, at the beginning, you’ll never be. Take what you need, enjoy the sex and the company, but keep your eyes peeled for his replacement. And, don’t give him notice, simply notify him when it’s time, Flavor Flav style: “your time, is up.” Play the game.

Julia

Well, I don’t know. I guess I’d rather talk about it from the start as opposed to later down the line. However, I will seriously consider your advice; if someone else comes along maybe I’ll give them a shot at being his replacement. Romance, love and a soulmate, that’s all I want. Is it even possible any more? Why does love always have to be so complicated?

Oliver

It’s not. We are.

Answer to the opening question: No. It did not.

photo: Allstar Western #8©Jose O. Ladrönn

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Comments
12 Responses to “Part-time Lover”
  1. janeybgood says:

    I like the cut of Oliver’s jib.

  2. themonumentaljackass says:

    “Flavor Flav style”, “It’s not. We are.”

    Perfect.

  3. themonumentaljackass says:

    Reblogged this on Ashes and sparks, my words among mankind. and commented:
    He does it well. Very, very well.

    And yes, the relationship lasted. “Your time,” never came.

  4. Abi Demi says:

    Oliver did an excellent job elaborating how some guys are. Like he said, what you have is more powerful than the atomic bomb. Play the field until that one guy shows. Then the rest is a piece of cake

  5. thewondermya says:

    Reblogged this on Healing my codependency and regaining my life ! and commented:
    All the answers in that powerful post !!!! So grateful for it ! Feel like going shopping now !

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