Sign of the Times

Sign language verboten

English Football Club West Brom’ French player Nicolas Anelka is under investigation for anti-semitism after celebrating a goal by displaying ‘the quenelle’, whereby one arm points to the ground and receives the ‘Jay-Z brush off’ with the other hand.
The popular anti-establishment gesture, which in France means ‘fuck the man’, has been targeted by Jewish groups since its inventor, the controversial French comedian Dieudonne M’bala M’bala revealed himself as anti-zionist, a crime against humanity.

Football Association Chairman David Bernstein described Anelka’s action this way: “He scored the goal with his foot, so why use his hand to celebrate! Why didn’t he raise his foot, or brush the dirt off his shoe, kiss his ankle, or hump the goalpost?”

Roger Cukierman, head of Jewish organisation CRIF (Representative Council of French Jewish Institutions) and vice-president of the World Jewish Congress spoke to French newspaper Le Figaro:

“That gesture can only have an anti-Semitic connotation when performed at a synagogue or a memorial to Holocaust victims. In a place that has no significance for Jews, it is merely an anti-establishment gesture which I feel does not warrant any harsh sanction.”

Mr Cukierman has since retracted his statement.

The investigation has led to an even more frightening discovery: the bird, globally known as the finger, is a secret sign of anti-semitism used all this time to communicate Anti-Jewish hatred’.
Respected Nazi hunters, from their offices in the Palestinian Occupied Territories are adamant the obscene hand gesture was in reality a Nazi salute by German midgets with chronic arthritis.

Henceforth, the bird and all forms of the right hand being raised (no exception for classrooms) – stretching, signalling for help, waving hello or goodbye, the military salute – will be prosecuted as hate crimes.

Advertisements
Comments
8 Responses to “Sign of the Times”
  1. themonumentaljackass says:

    I waved at my father when he left for work today.

    I feel so guilty.

  2. makagutu says:

    Am I going to be in trouble? I raise my right hand a lot of times

  3. mbennett83 says:

    Good post. I watch a lot of football and saw this live. Anelka’s friend is a popular but controversial comedian in France and so the gesture was an ode to his stand-up routines – there was no racism behind it at all (offense is taken, not given in this instance). Moreover, European footballers frequently celebrate by biting their thumb which is a sign of disrespect which leads me to the question – can disrespect be graded or prioritised?

    • lexborgia says:

      Graded or prioritised would be a far cry better than criminalised. The aim is to stifle all support for Mbala, not even his dog should be patted by the neighbours – if you’re with him you’re against us. Shame on the F.A for supporting this witch hunt.

  4. Arkenaten says:

    Hilarious!

    It is also a little know fact that kicking Argentinian footballers, especially if you have a whiny voice, is now considered anti-German, as many 98 year old German Gestapo members WW II ambulance drivers currently residing in Argentina have complained that the gesture is a subtle way of reminding these ex-pat Germans ( who are all called Heinz or Klaus Battistuta, Kempes or Maradonna and couldn’t even spell Adolf if you asked them) that they lost the ’66 world cup.
    In fact such blatant racism has taken a turn for the worse,according to former S.S tank-commander lederhozen manufacturer, Heinz Pasarella, that the names Geoff Hurst and Martin Peters have become cult swear words that are popping up in emails sent to these ex pats.
    The UN is investigating.
    A spokesman for the Simon Wiesenthal centre could not be reached for comment although his secretary sent an email that simply stated Bobby Charlton.

    • lexborgia says:

      Anti-German sentiment is always welcomed, and recommended by psychologists worldwide as the most effective form of regenerative recreation.

Leave a comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

  • Follow nerd on the bridge on WordPress.com
  • Ford Prefect's Towel

    • None
%d bloggers like this: