Sign of the Times
Sign language verboten
English Football Club West Brom’ French player Nicolas Anelka is under investigation for anti-semitism after celebrating a goal by displaying ‘the quenelle’, whereby one arm points to the ground and receives the ‘Jay-Z brush off’ with the other hand.
The popular anti-establishment gesture, which in France means ‘fuck the man’, has been targeted by Jewish groups since its inventor, the controversial French comedian Dieudonne M’bala M’bala revealed himself as anti-zionist, a crime against humanity.
Football Association Chairman David Bernstein described Anelka’s action this way: “He scored the goal with his foot, so why use his hand to celebrate! Why didn’t he raise his foot, or brush the dirt off his shoe, kiss his ankle, or hump the goalpost?”
Roger Cukierman, head of Jewish organisation CRIF (Representative Council of French Jewish Institutions) and vice-president of the World Jewish Congress spoke to French newspaper Le Figaro:
“That gesture can only have an anti-Semitic connotation when performed at a synagogue or a memorial to Holocaust victims. In a place that has no significance for Jews, it is merely an anti-establishment gesture which I feel does not warrant any harsh sanction.”
Mr Cukierman has since retracted his statement.
The investigation has led to an even more frightening discovery: the bird, globally known as the finger, is a secret sign of anti-semitism used all this time to communicate Anti-Jewish hatred’.
Respected Nazi hunters, from their offices in the Palestinian Occupied Territories are adamant the obscene hand gesture was in reality a Nazi salute by German midgets with chronic arthritis.
Henceforth, the bird and all forms of the right hand being raised (no exception for classrooms) – stretching, signalling for help, waving hello or goodbye, the military salute – will be prosecuted as hate crimes.