Waiter! Waiter!

warning: this post is meant to be offensive

“And what, I wonder, does good Solonius receive for convincing me to spread cheeks and accept deeper ramming!”- Quintus Batiatus

“Equal position in the games.”- Marcus Decius Solonius

———-

The United Nations has rescinded its invitation to Iran, Syria’s sole ally, to attend the Geneva peace negotiations on Syria.
General Secretary Ban ki Moon, with brown sauce smearing his nose, tiny slivers of dark meat still clinging to the corners of his mouth and traces of nuts on his chin, emerged from a hurried dinner with Barack Obama to deliver the news.

“Big meal, big meal”, joked Mr Ban to the press. He then went on to explain- still choking on it – that these negotiations were being held to “ensure a peaceful overthrow of the Syrian Government, and as an inclusive organisation for peace we cannot countenance any invitees that the USA and peaceful Sharia wielding, Saudi backed extremists in Syria object to.”

Under an extensive barrage of questions Mr Ban at one stage began to waver, suggesting it may be more appropriate if all sides involved sat down with the purpose of finding a common solution for the Syrian people without the interference of outside forces, but his aide, somewhat reluctantly, diverted his attention to a door in the background where American diplomats stood dangling another large bowl of brown sauce, a large platter of roasted meat and a sack of fleshy nuts: Mr Ban salivated and quickly reverted to his initial statement.

Photo: U.N General Secretary Ban ki Moon by John Moore©Getty Images.

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Comments
17 Responses to “Waiter! Waiter!”
  1. dhonour says:

    “with brown sauce dripping from his nose, slivers of dark meat still clinging to the insides of his mouth and traces of nuts on his chin,” Did you go there or did my sick mind go there?

    • lexborgia says:

      Go where? Mr Ban, with enough courage could have refused the dinner. A daily Show skit would be much worse on the target. It’s meant to offend.

      • dhonour says:

        In a ” he’s sucking dick” kind of way?

        • lexborgia says:

          Are you asking me to censor you? Satire is ‘also’ about subtle inference. Please be gentle in drawing your conclusions.

          • dhonour says:

            No, I don’t need a censor. I have no problem with insinuating sucking dick is called for. I guess I can’t quite put my finger on what is bothering about the insinuation. I would rather you have just come out and said he’s getting fucked up the ass rather than the way it was put–Ok, perhaps it’s the homosexual submissive connotation that’s bothering me–by saying that the ultimate submission for a man is to force another man to his knees–literally and figuratively. I shall go and tap my food now. You are most definitely keeping me on my toes today.

            • lexborgia says:

              Well, my dear, sounds like something definitely needs tappin! You’re killing me. Don’t go that deep, just grab an image and roll with it – Ban is Obama’s bitch. We good now? Hope so.

  2. themonumentaljackass says:

    Man, that is how you define the word ‘suggestion’.

    For his sake, I hope Ban ki Moon never finds this.

    As usual, brilliance, good sir. Fell apart laughing, took an hour to put me back.

  3. Jeff Nguyen says:

    First, love the disclaimer. Second, why won’t Syria just roll over and play dead like Libya did. This peaceful overthrow business is hard work, sometimes. Third, now I’m hungry.

    • lexborgia says:

      You’re hungry! Tough luck mate, Glutton Ban has cordoned of the buffet, can’t get enough. 2nd, operation overthrow just went to phase2: global networks flooded in the last 48hrs with ‘new evidence’ of Syrian atrocities, and calls of ‘action needed now.’ Kerry will be slinging daggers very soon – wait for it.

  4. makagutu says:

    Rarely do people use such disclaimers!
    You rock my friend

  5. lexborgia says:

    Thanks Jeffster. Your kindness is much appreciated, Cheers.

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