Xmas News Flash
America on Red Alert
Due to recent growing suspicion that Santa Claus is black (Jesus too), gun sales in America have multiplied by more than 30,000%. It is estimated that each household now owns on average 250 firearms and have installed security systems and booby traps around their Christmas trees, as citizens prepare to ‘stand your ground.’
Parents who spent years conditioning children to believe in Santa Claus are now doing the opposite, using the hours leading up to Christmas Eve to teach kids that ‘Santa better not come around here no more.’
Police Commissioners throughout the country have reported a significant rise in 911 calls from children being taught by their parents how to use the number if any black Santas are spotted on the roof.
In a separate but possibly related development, the ‘Fox & Friends’ morning show has appealed to President Obama not to employ the NSA, CIA, DIA, Secret Service or Rachel Maddow to place Anti-American and Anti-Christian Obamacare presents under the Christmas trees of unsuspecting families with children under 26 years old.
This just in: Fox News Sean Hannity claims new information shows beyond reasonable doubt that the three ghosts of Christmas, the tormentors of renowned job creator Ebenezer Scrooge, were socialist liberal ‘government handout loving’ muslims while alive.