A Letter to Cyprus

Dear Valued Member,

Trust is important to us. How important? Well, as part of our ongoing efforts to protect the integrity of our membership, we have decided to terminate the membership of anyone who undermines the unique spirit of openness that serves as the cornerstone of The E.U, and sets our community apart.

Obviously you are not one of those people! You’re receiving this email because we value your contributions to the community, even though you’re broke, and we hope you always feel comfortable here. The reality is simply that our growth has inadvertently allowed certain members to degrade this trust by resisting the theft of their Money, by us, our banker friends on Wall Street and our partners in the EZB & IMF. Those dissidents are the people we’re exiling, effective immediately.

There is absolutely no cause for worry, German Money is plentiful, growing on Bratwursts and under Sauerkraut cabbages as you read this. We will always be there for you even when the cause is a lost one; our citizens have no say in the matter, they never will, and it is this proven formula that you must now apply.

It is our hope that this will help you feel even more at ease in sharing your money with the rest of the community. The Banker is your friend; we are your friends.

Warm Regards and Happy Travels,
The Team

P.S. In the event that you feel a member is in clear violation of our Rules, you know what to do: call Lloyd at Goldmann Sachs.

Breaking All The Rules

3 Responses to “A Letter to Cyprus”
  1. dhonour says:

    I thought I liked this last night when I first read it, but I came back to read it again because I liked it so much. I have a bit of a vested interest in Cyprus, as it was home for 3.5 years and though I don’t (thankfully) have any money left there, I am mucho interested to see what happens there. Now in DK, it’s a weird one b/c they are part of the EU, but not part of the Euro Zone. The whole thing is going to either end really well or blow up spectacularly. Even betting at the moment….

  2. Arkenaten says:

    I have dear friends in Cyprus but haven”t been following the news much.
    I think most bankers are around 20 alphabetical places away from their true calling.

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